because..

Because I knew I wasn't a good fit.
Because I knew she would be better.
Because I knew I had demons within me that even I struggle to deal with and I didn't want you to suffer with me.

Popular posts from this blog

You were right. It's a really a shame.

Image
Truth to be told, I was indeed reluctant when you asked me to write a post about you. Reluctant cause I thought you would've known by now how much I know/care about you. It didn't make sense to me that I have to write about you cause I thought it was obvious about how much I am in love with you. Then again, you were also right that I have pretty much only wrote about you whenever you make me question about love I have for you/you have for me. So as much as I am reluctant, I want to do this too cause I know how good it feels to read about how much someone knows about you. Small little things and habits that you thought no one notices.  I'm not sure if there'll be 207 things but trust me, I probably know/notice more than what's on this list, I just have shitty memories. I know that like me, you hate waking up early. The only time you'd be up early is when I have to head out for work or when you actually have an early appointment. You don'...
Read more

depression

If you have been here long enough, you'd realise that this  is my safe space. This is the place I come to whenever I'm sad or lonely or depressed...or whenever I feel like writing. Well, it really depends. Today's another day, another dreadful day that I'm (sadly) still alive. I have been praying to 'God' for pretty long now, to take away my life and I guess that's not happening anytime soon. That sucks. I do hope that I don't get distracted this time, as I aways do. & end up not finishing the article that I wanted to write. god. Ain't emotions fleeting? Like I've so much thoughts in my head and so much to say yet I just can't seem to get them out. I'm feeling so much right now and it feels like I'd just feel something else in a millisecond time. I can't concentrate on any of those feelings and I can't use any of those to build my story and it's frustrating. It makes me so sick and tired and tbh I just want to s...
Read more

Muse

It was the heaving kind of breath, the kind of breathing that activates the sympathetic nervous system and you just can't think anymore. My heart felt like it was failing on me and my tears just won't stop flowing. I tried to look at you and tell you that I'm okay but I'm not and my body refuse to lie. - It's been so long and I don't know why but you somehow still affect me. I drift to sleep with the thoughts of you the other night, only to wake up with a heavy head and a heavier heart.  It's amazing how I spent merely two weeks with you yet this experience feels like it lasted for a very long time. "I can never have a clean break in a relationship. I always end up taking bits of them with me". This encored in the little box that I've saved for you. I've always wondered which part of me did you take with you or in fact, did you even take any at all?  It felt like we have met at the wrong time. Perhaps if we crossed path earlier....
Read more