Hell Months
Hello Hell Month(s).
After 4 months of break from school, I'll be back to it tonight. Part of me can't wait and part of me is dreading it. I mean, sure, I'm officially a student again but the pressure is on to excel. Especially so when I'm now very confident and sure that I want to apply for medical school while I still can.
Time to pull up that GPA and time to face it with more responsibility. Well, to be honest, even tho I have been a student for a very long time, I have never really treated it like it mattered. It felt like I have been in this gap year that technically did not exist. I barely studied or paid any attention to school and I didn't bothered. I didn't even want to continue studies but hey, I guess I have to make my grades slightly better if I want to get into med school..? hahahah. Seriously hope I won't lose this motivation.
I mean, it's always like this. I start off the mod feeling very motivated and all but half way thru I'll dread it and lose this motivation. Which is actually really horrible. Anyhow, life have been blissful. Volunteering at a clinic have really helped me a lot and as impossible as it seems, it's really therapeutic. I don't face as much anxiety as being alone anymore because to be honest, I barely have that time to breathe so I don't really have time to think so much about dying alone too. Also cause now I have other things in life that I want to focus on, I just don't focus on finding love that much anymore.
I'm still open to it but maybe just not as desperate anymore? I think El helped a lot too. Like in the back of my mind, I just keep telling myself that maybe it will work out between the two of us if I do be more initiative. Let's just see how it goes I guess. That part is still such a huge mystery to me esp since both of us have no idea what we want... in some sense. hahaha.
I'm just glad that I can find some stability in life right now and how most things are working out not too bad. I guess when you have no expectations and just be appreciative, life just gets better every single day!
After 4 months of break from school, I'll be back to it tonight. Part of me can't wait and part of me is dreading it. I mean, sure, I'm officially a student again but the pressure is on to excel. Especially so when I'm now very confident and sure that I want to apply for medical school while I still can.
Time to pull up that GPA and time to face it with more responsibility. Well, to be honest, even tho I have been a student for a very long time, I have never really treated it like it mattered. It felt like I have been in this gap year that technically did not exist. I barely studied or paid any attention to school and I didn't bothered. I didn't even want to continue studies but hey, I guess I have to make my grades slightly better if I want to get into med school..? hahahah. Seriously hope I won't lose this motivation.
I mean, it's always like this. I start off the mod feeling very motivated and all but half way thru I'll dread it and lose this motivation. Which is actually really horrible. Anyhow, life have been blissful. Volunteering at a clinic have really helped me a lot and as impossible as it seems, it's really therapeutic. I don't face as much anxiety as being alone anymore because to be honest, I barely have that time to breathe so I don't really have time to think so much about dying alone too. Also cause now I have other things in life that I want to focus on, I just don't focus on finding love that much anymore.
I'm still open to it but maybe just not as desperate anymore? I think El helped a lot too. Like in the back of my mind, I just keep telling myself that maybe it will work out between the two of us if I do be more initiative. Let's just see how it goes I guess. That part is still such a huge mystery to me esp since both of us have no idea what we want... in some sense. hahaha.
I'm just glad that I can find some stability in life right now and how most things are working out not too bad. I guess when you have no expectations and just be appreciative, life just gets better every single day!
