2 Oct

I’m back here once again.
AT THE EXACT SAME SEAT. Except that this time it’s without you.
I am speechless at this joke right now. Hahahah.
Like I decided not to head to work this early morning and decide to treat myself to a good breakfast but Percolate isn’t open and I AM BACK at the same place with the exact same reason. THIS IS CRAZY. Hahhahahh

I don’t know what to feel. I mean, I’m relieved in a sense that things are sort of over.
Okay, let’s just say it’s over.
I’m kind of really glad actually.

J, you made me realize what I want. You made me know so much stuff.
Doesn’t feel like it but it’s true.
These few weeks have been a roller coaster ride and it was a good one I guess.
I was forced and motivated to finally get my shit together for work and for life.

For the past year, I’ve been so occupied with trying to find someone to spend time, socializing, meeting people, figuring things out, I forgot that honestly, I didn’t have to.
I have a job. I have school. & I’m going to be okay.

Past year was crazy. I had such a hard time trying to figure things out without knowing that I was only driving myself nuts. I’m so glad that I finally come to a decision with what I want to do right now. So here’s what. I shall write everything down here and remind myself that THIS is what I want. This is what I want and I need to stop losing track. I guess it’s really time for me to get my shit together. J

Work
            Find a job that provides you with a set of skills that you want. i.e. Mouse models, DNA, RNA, ELISA, Stem cells and Facs. These are the set of skills you have interest in and these are the things you want to be expert in.
            You got to start somewhere and that somewhere is by actively sending resumes and cover letters. DON’T BE EMBARRASSED. It’s okay to be not good enough and it’s okay to embarrass yourself. That’s how you get the things you really want. Embarrassment, make mistakes and just push yourself. That’s how you improve. You know that babe, remind yourself about getting into orientation camps and see how that turned out for you?

School
            Just try to study as much as possible. Revisions during your free time. I know revisions sucks. Revisions sucks a hell lot but here’s a trick. Find a place that you enjoy studying at. DON’T BE LAZY ABOUT HEADING OUT. Keep heading out, keep moving. You can’t stay indoor for the whole of your life. DON’T THINK ABOUT MONEY. You have savings. You are saving. So head out, grab a coffee and start your revision during your free time.
            Try your best to do well. If you can, do well enough to get into honors year. Get a loan for that year, it’s okay to have loan. You can always work and pay the loan back and that’s okay. But regardless wise, just try your best in school.
            Don’t think about “what if I want to be in healthcare?” because you know what? You don’t. You want to be a scientist and you will be a great scientist. Being a scientist isn’t not doesn’t mean that it’s not a fulfilling job. It might not have results now and it may not seem like it’s a huge contribution now but eventually it will and that is okay. You don’t have to literally save a life to feel like it’s a fulfilling job. As long as you enjoy the job, it’s okay. J As for the literal saving a life part…we could always work that out once you become sick of being an awesome scientist. Hehe.

Life
            DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. There is no need to worry about money and there is no need to be sad about not having as much money as your friend. Yes, you’re not as rich or successful right now but success takes time. Money can be earned. You are not starving; you are not in huge debt so you are actually doing very well right now my love. Yes, you may not be as rich as your friends but their life might not be as enjoyable as yours. I mean look. They save and save and the number in their bank account rise but are they living a life? Not really. I mean, hey, they might be the first to own a car, have a family or have a house but perhaps they might not be able to experience life like you.
            Your bank account might not have a lot but you still have a roof over your head, you get to enjoy the food and most of all, you get to be okay with yourself. You get to feel happy with life for a very very long time. & honestly, who cares if your bank book has six zero or ten zero? As long as you’re happy with life then it’s okay. J After all, the purpose of life is be happy.
            Save 50% of the money you earn and allow yourself to cut some slack if the month is tough. As long as you save, that’s okay.

            As for love, screw that shit over V. Love is good, love is awesome and love is great but here’s the thing, love isn’t necessary. Don’t let other people make you think otherwise. Don’t let the social media get to you and let you think otherwise. You don’t have to have a family, have a life with someone. The only life that you need to have is your own life. You have experienced everything and hey, that’s good. Now you can’t say that you have yet to experience anything cause yes you have. It’s different from other people but you still did. Don’t let it lose your goals.
           
            Here’s your goal: Be awesome scientist, do awesome research and continue to learn new things in life. Don’t worry about financial, don’t worry about love and don’t worry about dying alone. You never know how or when you are going to die anyways so why bother worrying. It would be great if someone decides to join you in this trip but if there isn’t one, it’s fine too. Oh and most importantly, don’t get into horrible relationships. DON’T BOTHER. If you think that it’s not going to last, then don’t bother getting into it. I mean, yes, it’s fun to have someone but short term relationships aren’t going to last, it’s not worth getting all worked up about not being able to live like the others and have someone to do fun stuff with and all. Your gut feelings are always right. If the person and you don’t want the same thing as you, then it’s okay. It’s okay to admit that the person is not the one and it’s okay to let that person go. It’s okay cause hey, you don’t have to get into every relationship that is offered to you. But of course, if you’re bored and wants sex, just go ahead. Just be safe. Not for yourself but for whoever you’re going to fuck in the future.

There will be days where it will suck so badly that you feel like you need to get out of the lab, there will be time where you feel like everything sucks but for all these horrible time, do yourself a favor and get a really, really good cup of coffee and a really, really good breakfast. That’s how you know you need a break. That’s how you know it’s time to rewind. Write your feelings out. You love writing. So write. (or type.) Everything will be okay and you know that deep down.


Okay, I’m done writing. Guess it’s time to head back to work, survive the next…I don’t know. Six hours? Let’s do this. 💪🏻

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