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There are good days and there are horrible days.
Today is one of those really, really horrible day.
Here you are watching the person who you used to fancy fall back in love and there wondering why you can't even hold a rs with someone new for more than a few weeks/month.
The constant struggle of trying to psych yourself to believe that you're not affected by depression, tell yourself that you will be fine and constantly going in and out of meltdowns within seconds/minutes cause of this persona that you created in your mind to cope with your meltdowns/depression.
Realising that you need therapy but you can't really/don't wish to spend that money cause you don't believe that you can't fix yourself.
Not willing to confide to any of your close friends cause you want to be their listening ear and not trouble them with this condition that has been haunting you since 12.
Parents? Oh hell no, they're probably the last you can go to cause don't forget, you are the brain of this family. Nothing can go wrong with the brain. Therapy takes time, money and a lot of tip toe-ing.
No, you can't do that to your family.
I am not desperate for love, I am desperate for someone who is willing to take me at this state. Someone whom I'm comfortable enough to call when I feel like I'm going to have a meltdown.
Someone who would tell/remind me why I should stop thinking about how can I kill myself and someone who won't give up on me cause this person loves me so much that he/she wants me to stay alive even if is just for that one more day.
I thought of you J. I thought of you but it's all too late and let's face it J, you're probably going thru depression too. Except that yours would probably pass in a few more months/years and mine? Perhaps it will go away someday too but I've been going in and out of depression so many times I don't even know if it will ever truly go away. Oh & you asked me to leave.
I need therapy. I need help.
Today is one of those really, really horrible day.
Here you are watching the person who you used to fancy fall back in love and there wondering why you can't even hold a rs with someone new for more than a few weeks/month.
The constant struggle of trying to psych yourself to believe that you're not affected by depression, tell yourself that you will be fine and constantly going in and out of meltdowns within seconds/minutes cause of this persona that you created in your mind to cope with your meltdowns/depression.
Realising that you need therapy but you can't really/don't wish to spend that money cause you don't believe that you can't fix yourself.
Not willing to confide to any of your close friends cause you want to be their listening ear and not trouble them with this condition that has been haunting you since 12.
Parents? Oh hell no, they're probably the last you can go to cause don't forget, you are the brain of this family. Nothing can go wrong with the brain. Therapy takes time, money and a lot of tip toe-ing.
No, you can't do that to your family.
I am not desperate for love, I am desperate for someone who is willing to take me at this state. Someone whom I'm comfortable enough to call when I feel like I'm going to have a meltdown.
Someone who would tell/remind me why I should stop thinking about how can I kill myself and someone who won't give up on me cause this person loves me so much that he/she wants me to stay alive even if is just for that one more day.
I thought of you J. I thought of you but it's all too late and let's face it J, you're probably going thru depression too. Except that yours would probably pass in a few more months/years and mine? Perhaps it will go away someday too but I've been going in and out of depression so many times I don't even know if it will ever truly go away. Oh & you asked me to leave.
I need therapy. I need help.
