Page 79

I don't know how to feel about this and I don't know if I should talk about it so early but heck it. I just want to do things that makes me happy. At least for this year. Let's just do whatever I feel like and not be give in to superstition. 

Anyways, here goes.

Remember how everyone always say you'll end up dating someone that you swore never to date? Well, I guess that's kind of true. 

As a child, I've always had this list. List of things I want my future partner to have. 
Here's the old list:
• taller than me
• don't smoke 
• drink moderately
• Caucasian 

Now that I'm older, this list just looks ridiculous to me and I guess I did make some amendments to it.
Here's the new list:
• filial 
• honest
• trustworthy 
• wants me more than anything else
• appreciative 

Here's the thing. I've been seeing/talking to Kenneth for a while now, well, one month & 9days to be exact (cause we meet on New Years, how convenient) and idk how long is this going to last but I guess I just want to talk about it while it last.

I know it's nothing serious but hey, I'm just surprised that we are actually still talking after one month. I mean look, when I first met you at the hotel I have like ZERO interest in you. You were just another guy, not good looking at all & Sherwin can easily trumph you in looks. 
Being the drunk me, I know I'll just end up making out w cute guys cause I'm superficial like that and you weren't even in the list. 

Then the next day I guess I was blown away by your wealth but still, I wasn't interested in you. Reason was simple, your wealth intimidates me and you're shorter than me. Even tho I said I won't mind so much about height, I still want to date someone who's taller than me and not feel like I giant over them. 

Honestly I never thought that you were even slightly interested in me cause you talk to me as if you're talking to some clients. You sent the drunk me home that night and I guess I was grateful so I gave you a warm hug and a kiss on your cheek. That meant nothing to me cause I was just being drunk & overly friendly. 

I was surprised that you'd actually ask for my number from Sherwin but sure, since Sherwin gave you my number, why not? I honestly never thought that the conversation was going to last. Probably just another talk for 2weeks tops then never talk again kind of thing. Cause that's what happened the last time. 

I honestly don't know what happened. We were meeting for mookata for supper as friends, soon later we ended up drinking at zouk and suddenly we are way closer than before. I wasn't expecting anything at all. Not even going on supper/drinking with you. I mean, look at my old list. You are practically someone who's on the opposite spectrum of who I want to date. Shorter, smoker, heavy drinker and Asian. 

This is when I realize that whatever other people say might be true. Like how you'll always end up dating guys who doesn't fit into anything you wanted. I don't know what's going to happen after this post, I don't know if it'll actually affect how things will be like between us but I do know that I'm enjoying whatever we have right now and I don't want it to end.

But even if it does, I understand cause after all, this is just another casual thing. And honestly, I don't really care if I jinxed anything anymore cause I just want to do whatever that makes me happy this year and if things don't go the way I want, guess it's not meant to be then.

Popular posts from this blog

You were right. It's a really a shame.

Image
Truth to be told, I was indeed reluctant when you asked me to write a post about you. Reluctant cause I thought you would've known by now how much I know/care about you. It didn't make sense to me that I have to write about you cause I thought it was obvious about how much I am in love with you. Then again, you were also right that I have pretty much only wrote about you whenever you make me question about love I have for you/you have for me. So as much as I am reluctant, I want to do this too cause I know how good it feels to read about how much someone knows about you. Small little things and habits that you thought no one notices.  I'm not sure if there'll be 207 things but trust me, I probably know/notice more than what's on this list, I just have shitty memories. I know that like me, you hate waking up early. The only time you'd be up early is when I have to head out for work or when you actually have an early appointment. You don'...
Read more

depression

If you have been here long enough, you'd realise that this  is my safe space. This is the place I come to whenever I'm sad or lonely or depressed...or whenever I feel like writing. Well, it really depends. Today's another day, another dreadful day that I'm (sadly) still alive. I have been praying to 'God' for pretty long now, to take away my life and I guess that's not happening anytime soon. That sucks. I do hope that I don't get distracted this time, as I aways do. & end up not finishing the article that I wanted to write. god. Ain't emotions fleeting? Like I've so much thoughts in my head and so much to say yet I just can't seem to get them out. I'm feeling so much right now and it feels like I'd just feel something else in a millisecond time. I can't concentrate on any of those feelings and I can't use any of those to build my story and it's frustrating. It makes me so sick and tired and tbh I just want to s...
Read more

Muse

It was the heaving kind of breath, the kind of breathing that activates the sympathetic nervous system and you just can't think anymore. My heart felt like it was failing on me and my tears just won't stop flowing. I tried to look at you and tell you that I'm okay but I'm not and my body refuse to lie. - It's been so long and I don't know why but you somehow still affect me. I drift to sleep with the thoughts of you the other night, only to wake up with a heavy head and a heavier heart.  It's amazing how I spent merely two weeks with you yet this experience feels like it lasted for a very long time. "I can never have a clean break in a relationship. I always end up taking bits of them with me". This encored in the little box that I've saved for you. I've always wondered which part of me did you take with you or in fact, did you even take any at all?  It felt like we have met at the wrong time. Perhaps if we crossed path earlier....
Read more