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It's scary how people actually look at you and notices things about you. 
To be honest, I never dare to look at someone in their eyes. Like I feel weird looking at them and probably that's why I've never really know how to recognize people. 

It's like, when someone looks at me and talks to me about the features on my face, I get really surprised and when I think back, I know nothing of how this person looks except thru his/her photos.

I guess it's just a side of me that I've never dared to look at someone, notice details about them. I usually just glance anyway or just keep my eyes moving.
I just don't dare to look them in the eyes/face especially if they're someone I like/I think is good looking. Maybe it's a shy thing idk, but it's just weird for me.

It's like how when I first put on eyeliner, Justin spoke about it and I was like "what?!" I always feel like I would never pay someone attention to their face unless I'm close to that person and I really want to know them better. 

When someone notices things about me I just start to wonder why are they so observant?! Or maybe there's just something that everyone looks out for. 
For me...probably tattoo? I don't know. 

It's sad how I didn't dare to look at someone in the face and now I regret it, cause that might be the only time we hang out and that would prolly suck. 

Why are some people just so attractive especially those who're out of your league? Sigh. 

I guess I just haven't had a legit eye-candy crush for very long huh. It's been like years since I last met a good looking guy in real life and now I feel like I'm a fucking desperate cougar. UGH.

FUCK YOU HORMONES. Just maintain your fucking level and get over this stupid crush. TAKE DAYS NOT MONTHS. I don't have that kind of time anymore, I don't wanna waste any more time on this thing called love cause we all know that love is probably not part of my life. Like it's not planned out for me. 

JUST GET OVER IT. YOU'RE ONE UGLY FUCK THAT NO ONE WOULD EVER FALL FOR. Even if you don't appear ugly, you have an ugly character, an ugly heart,  a stupidly low-self esteem and no one wants a broken heart/mind/soul like yours. Don't bother thinking that you'll gain pity from people and don't think that this will get you the people you want, they'll just be turn off by how horrible you think about yourself and get even further. 
& you know I'm right. Just look at yourself and see how pathetic you are. Thinking that anyone's going to fall for you? It has been twenty years, its never going to happen and it never will. So suck it up and stop expecting the next guy who talks to you might be interested in you or you might interest him to want to know you better and be with you. 

Stop thinking that you'll find someone who loves you and you'll love him/her back, stop hoping that the person is going to be perfect. Count yourself lucky if you're even going to get attached cause no one, NO ONE likes a person who doesn't even know how to love herself.

Plus, why the heck am I even posting this?! I know my friends will try to cheer me up but what I really want to say is, no matter how much ya all try, I will never ever feel good about myself until someday, someday when I meet someone who truly wants to be with me and not those who confess that they like you after three days and wants to be with you cause you have a pretty face.m

Because in all honesty, I don't feel like there's anyone out there for me and that scares the heck out of me. Like I'm never going to be good enough for someone and it just feels like no one will ever appreciate me until I'm truly literally gone.

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